Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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