K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize