I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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