From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
