I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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