butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
