you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
