make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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