New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
