How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
