smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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