Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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