We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize