Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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