I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
