we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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