Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
