I hate all girls vehemently.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
