I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm at about main and main street
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
