my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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