Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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