HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
