I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize