Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
