We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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