remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
