Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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