her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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