Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
