Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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