I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
