fuck your aforementioned shoe
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
