Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So many bounce houses so little time
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A bitchslap is in order.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
