i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
