id be glad to
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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