Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
