roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
