I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
