so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
