May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
