i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
