I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
