he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
