Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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