You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
