Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
