she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
