Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
