My friends, they love my intelligence
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
