My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
