A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
