Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
