Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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