You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
