dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
