So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
