he puts the penis in happiness.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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