I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
