I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
