My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
