Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My penis needs a shock collar
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize