am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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