Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
