apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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