Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
