First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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