She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
