Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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