margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
