my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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