well I can't set my house on fire every night
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
