Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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