you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
