well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
