i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
