it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
