yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
